The Observatory

Nothing good happens to a person unless they do something to make it happen. Waiting for good luck to happen is bound to cause a profound sense of disappointment.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last few weeks. It started when I was not able to go racing at Mosport. The tow vehicle broke down, leaving me without a car to race. I was already at the track when I found out. I could have stayed at the track, and possibly found another ride, but it was not very likely. Instead I drove all the way back (about 4 hours). It was a waste of my vacation day and an awful lot of gas.

Rosa asked me about the decision to drive back instead of staying at the track. Her point was that if I truly wanted something, I have to actively make it happen. If I want to race, I have to keep pushing, and not give up so easily when things don’t go to plan.

Same with photography. I know what I want, but unless I do something, and take that first step even when it is scary, nothing good will happen.

This evening I went to the RA Photo Club open house. I really wanted to see the studio, but once there I was very intimidated by the models and all the equipment and the dozens of people standing around watching. It was thinking about what Rosa said that I pushed my way to the front of the line, put the flash transmitter on the camera and started my first session with a professional model. It’s the first step.

Adriana the model

According to Dan Dennett, the secret of happiness is:

To find something more important than you are and dedicate your life to it.

When I heard that, I instantly knew that I was on a path that will bring me great joy in my life. The something that is more important than me is my marriage. As I have done in the last 2 years, 5 months and 16 days since I married Rosa, I will continue to dedicate myself to our marriage, which is bigger than either of us alone.

Today, I went down to the War Memorial monument for the D-Day Memorial service. It’s been 65 years since D-Day, and this is likely to be one of the last major events that will have veterans of that event. Many of the veterans are now well into their 80’s.

Veterans

I feel that we should make November 11, Remembrance Day, a national holiday, even it it means we give up Family day (which is a provincial in Ontario and Alberta). I know very well that my freedoms and privileges of being a Canadian citizen is through the blood, sweat, tears and sacrifices of those in uniform.

My great-uncle (on my father’s side) was on Juno beach that day. I only met him once, and if I recall, he was reluctant to talk about the day – many of his friends were killed or wounded. He has since passed-on.

I’ve been struggling with my memory lately. I can’t remember some of the simplest data – such as the dates of Rosa’s performances, or something someone tells me.

I’ve been just shrugging this off as nothing important, but in actuality it’s been bothering me. I used to have a great memory. I could remember so much, even some of the most obscure references (or so I thought – Rosa has pointed that sometimes what I remembered was not the same as what she remembered).

Just now, I could not remember the phrase “race condition”. I had to Google for deadlock to find the phrase on a Wikipedia page.

And I suddenly and horrifyingly realized that the root cause is that I’m getting old. This is what it must be like. That slow decent into the realm of imperfect memory access.

Oh my god, I’m only 14 months away from being 40. I didn’t realize until just now how close I am to being 40. I think I want to cry or something.

I am devastated. I cried.

I was changing the tires on my BMW 330Ci, removing the winter tires and putting on the brand new Bridgestone Potenza RE-11’s in anticipation of the lapping event tomorrow at Calabogie Motorsports Park. The jacking point on these BMWs is a plastic block under the door sill. I figured out later that the jack wasn’t moving forward as it went up, which generated a strong lateral force on the jack point (the plastic block). The plastic block popped out, the car moved sideways and came down on the still-extended jack. It ripped the rocker panel (part of the Performance Package with the 330Ci) and bent the metal just below the door. It also stripped the paint down to the bare metal, so it will all have to be repainted quickly.

The repair is likely to be expensive.

I’m so upset about this. I love my car. Rosa loves my car. I’ve had people come up to me (when the car is stopped) and tell me what a great looking car.